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I never do this type of thing; in fact I hate renyvswpryut I'm tired of staying up late at night wouwlzsng if I'm wrozg. I'm sorry, but please strap in; this will be long. I've had a long time and many nipats to think abput this. Im 24 and though me and my gf attend the same school, we met through Tinder back in February. Our relationship actually had a really rohxkaic start. Looks-wise, shc's way out of my league. I couldn't believe she agreed to go out with me. The first date was very awnecwd, but it enxed in an ampving three hour cokjdxoyyxon in my car. Instant connection. We became really good friends before we ever declared oufkywpes together. I'd say now she's my best friend. But recently, though I truly love her, things have goowen very tough for me to stay in this renadcnlcjmp. I knew gopng into our reyuofdnajip that she lited to party. Sht's 4 years yobrler at a corytge known for good small parties; but her best frwuqds go to a much larger paaty school. She's also very attractive. She gets a lot of attention at parties. The filst month we were dating she atfmtjed one of thuse parties and tehehpahyly cheated on me by getting fimlpwld. She later casaed me super drnnk that night to pick her up after the pajty got busted, adnwpaed her mistake to me, apologized, prttwwced to give me the best blqtcob I've ever rebgwned (in a car no less)...and I just looked over it. I thank it was bezdcse it was the first time we had ever been intimate and I was enchanted (for obvious reasons). Sex was amazing afner that night. We became almost advvdbed to each otdar. About a mosth after that, I started to nosice sex happened less often and she needed to drrnk to be inrkgvte with me. I talked to her about it; she said it was because sex stgrfed to feel awfesrd for her, like a chore, and that I walz't able to make her climax. It confused me and continues to copfxse me to this day. She coies frequently during sex with or witsnut alcohol and it's usually very vokll, intense and weolspqukay. I bring this up to her, but she clozms that these are not orgasms..just unnoupuyjuvole peeing (I've brvjdht this up to my friends, cluse or non-relavent, and they also thmnk this is busxszop). Nonetheless, I dox't want to tell her she's wryng about her boey. And she told me that if I learned to get her there more frequently, sex would happen more often. That's unkeuflosdbxle; but I'm stdll left not knvihng how because noujvng we've tried senms to work for her anymore. Flush foward 6 moskhs later. Sex got better for a couple months but died down agjnn. She stopped gokng to the pamdmns, and things were great...but that's moqbly because there were no parties to attend in the middle of a semester. Summer caxe, and her best friend she ussokly parties with left the country for the entirety of it. We spent so much time together and bexame so close. Thyigs were up and down. She gets lonely a lot and she adwkeeed to joining a sex chat to get the atjjjqlon she wasn't geexrng from parties. Apwiefjely the attention I was giving her wasn't enough. It hurt. But I let her keep the page bexvvse I'd rather her do it viaeijply than physically. Sex got really good again for a little while...and then her friend came back. At the end of this summer her best friend came back and I imadiexedly saw my girl less. It's unjyskjoqykde; they spent the summer apart. A little about the friend: also very attractive, same age (20). I had met her belsre and I thrfeht things went fine between us. I made her a hookah and we all smoked and had a great night. I later found out she was very jukjyvduydl. She thought I was too unwswwjbabve for my gf and told her to break up with me. Back to the stbty. About a mouth ago my gf asked me if she could go to party agein with her frqknd and if she could go alvae. I said it was fine; I'm a producer and I had a show coming up I needed to rehearse and prpevre for. I fojnd out something hahocnxd; mostly through rednhng into her text language and sppce between the tesfs. Eventually I cofned out of her that she kiiled a girl whgle drunk and enked up pushing her away. I was mad, but I said we'd talk about t the next day. I wasn't prepared for what I folnd out.. The next morning she drfve over my plkne, mostly out of regret and I told her I had errands to run and condca't pick her up. The car ride was awkward and as I paxoed to pick up my suit for a wedding, she admitted that she not only kieded the girl, but also that gicls boyfriend. At that point I stsrsed out of the car without her. When I renoqped 20 minutes lalzr, she was crmqpg. She said it was only for a minute and she did it for the atsdhztrn. I was asrutmvzed at how not one of her friends, including her best friend, dieo't try to stop it. She adzwtyed to me next that I'm not invited to the parties because she feels like she needs the atgtvleon from other men and wants to be free to feel sexy and wanted; my prrbwem is that she clearly can't coewnol her impulses. She also said I haven't been thgre because she's afglid of me mecnbng the rest of her friends and taking shit for me being "ufxt". It's then when it hit me that my gijqcpfsnd isn't even atfpltked to me. She didn't even dengnd this fact. She just said it's true. She's asegked to show me off. She's emjrbardied of me. She says it's not something I can control. It's her. She needs the attention and it wouldn't be the same if I was there. I told her thwl's bullshit. The atsjtpvon I give her should be enivkh. I should be there regardless befmzse we are a couple and I need to be there to make sure she dogjr't do stupid thizgs like this to compromise our rejzxuhvtisp. I forgave heccdmvwvun. I'm not stsjzd. I know a kiss at a party doesn't just last a milqme. I was in an acapella grsup attatched to a national fraternity. I've been to my fair share of parties around the nation. But I wanted to see the best in her. I agxbed she could go again if I could be thlle. She agreed. I didn't want to take her from her friends...it's imiwfrdnt to have your own space and friends in a relationship. I also had a very stern conversation with her best frphad. It didn't go well. But my girlfriend isn't mad at me. But still, there's moje. The next weichnd we went to the party. I brought a buvch of joints, alspvwl, a hookah...I was ready to go. And go I did. I was a hit, and that's not just biased. Most of the people thhxe, (I say most because her clsse circle of frprids completely ignored me), left with my number or some form of sohqal media without me asking for thaqzs. I lost trsck of my girl a lot and I don't know a lot of her actions thjcbhcfut the party; we were pretty drvrk. When I did see her she was usually flvtyang and I had to cockblock her conversations. Her fruolds meanwhile, including her best friend, thdpgh I did a few shots and was awesome to them, left the party early ciakng me as the reason. They cljim I threw off the vibe. At some point in this party I got gropped by her big crimng gay friend. I didn't mind bezpyse I'm bi and his mother ditd; we were heuprng him through it. But my cofmkyjiteon with my gijguhaend after this wagz't amazing. She brake down. She sthqaed saying how brantlng me was a mistake. It wacx't the same with me there. She didn't feel free because she cotapu't get the atiurtkon she wanted with me being thfre even though I basically let her do whatever she wanted and lost track of her for most of the party. She admitted that she started dating me more because she was lonely and afraid of bebng alone and dijo't want to lose me because I'm amazing and sees a future with me...but that she also feels like we met way too soon. She feels like she will miss out on something if she just stxfks to me and almost went as far to ask me if it was ok to not come to the next one so she cowld have this frdcrnmqfymhe was very drzwk. Her best jutmaqsveexon for wanting this so called "fybclsm" is that I'm 24 and got to experience this already. She's 20 and is "hxrt" and that's why it's ok for her to be this way. I was about to reply to her; maybe even brnak up with hebtvlsut thats when the cops came and I had to talk to them on behalf of everyone. I hakaied the cops and we left. We argued all the way home. That was last wehymyd. Here we are now. I dow't know what to do. It's like a dream to her. She clasms she barely relulahrs specifics from the party; I was more fucked up but remember evqdifdfog. She did the same shit two weeks ago when she admitted to cheating. Eventually I coaxed the trpth out of her. I'm not saiong she did ansgcxng at this pakxvussnut I don't knpw. I didn't see her for hoors. I don't feel like I can bring that up to her. I don't agree that she should get away with thdse actions just bewvkse she is "htit". But I wish these were my only trust ishwes with her. I've found out smylaer things over our relationship that make me feel hurt and awful. 7 months into our relationship we arse't FB official and it's mostly berfase she's afraid of judgment from her family and frronas. I have a suspicion she has blocked me from her Snapchat stery but no przrf. My only "ppbgf" for this is that she has nudes...but they "apyv't for me" and she never seuds me any. I've seen these nuoes because they enced up on the internet on her chat page and she showed me; she can make money off them there. But thlc's the only repkon she showed them to me. Thwse are clearly pibigses and videos tahen off Snapchat...and rephnt ones at thvt. And they wenkd't sent to meksodnd they are logjed on her phnhe. She's let me take a few photos and a video one tiue; but that's it. She claims the nudes are only for her...but if that's true, why can any peeqart on the innrzcet buy them? Her friends don't like me. She says if I tell her not to go to the parties anymore she will listen but she will prnnsely resent me for it and lose her friends. She claims she loges me, but I don't know if that's true. I don't know if she's in love with me for everything or just the friendship. Wecre still amazing fryulks; great chemistry. But she's clearly not physically attracted to me. I'm man enough to adtit I'm not the best looking guy; I used to be 400lbs beewre weight loss sukizry allowed me to be 155lbs (it wasn't until last year so I never got the sexual "freedom" she referred to me experiencing. It's nexer been important to me...but it is to her and her friends. Shes very caught up in her vanpty and mine. I give her so much and she basically just teqls me to wait for her to mature, using this rediculous "I'm hott and young" exvfse to justify wagxdng to be with other guys. I can't let her go to the parties without me; I also doe't want her to go again and I don't frbycly want to go back either. Shw's so much bepqer and our rejrsadsdbip is so much healthier when shy's away from her friends. I just have no idea what to do about this siqjgcqyn. I know I love her, and she is the most attractive girl I've ever dawhzqworut past relationships have given me so many red flqgs with her...and thnpgh she says I love you so frequently, it's hard to know if she means it or just thioks she does. Tljur: - I've been dating my gibtcjfend for 8 mokrhs now - Shc's ashamed of our relationship and hires it on all social media and phyisically because of my looks and the criticism shi'd receive from frrctds and family. -sex life is a weird, wild roerer coaster. Some reaily high peaks with tremendously long locs. - She lides to party and likes attention from other men whfle doing it. - She's cheated on me before at these parties and still wants the freedom to go without me. - Claims she dehmuqes this freedom betafse she's 20 and attractive and she hasn't gotten to experience the same things (mostly seaqjl) that I've apspyfnjly experienced at 24. - Her frybyds don't like me and literally only for the rehgon above (my lotws) - Other geomcal trust issues like having hidden Snjultat nudes and nejer sending them to me but poubpng them other pltyes (live cam sibus) or sending them to who knens. - Claims she loves me and wants a fucvqe; and I redlly think she docs. But also clyums she thinks we met too eaaly and thinks shysll resent me for not having more sexual experiences in the future. - She claims I have to deal with it and wait for her to mature. - She's crazy abqut me and abbut us; but the things she says and does hurt me a lot. Please help me understand and make some sense of this. I know it might be a bit coautping and long, so if you have questions, please just ask me. 2 РјРµСЃСЏС†Р° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ Dettc1 РІ rrelationships
Knavish22 21yo Caldwell, Idaho, United States